


What's Not to Love?

by aitomation



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Personal Growth, hair play, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 10:56:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20062882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aitomation/pseuds/aitomation
Summary: Charlie has a lot of thoughts. He's been learning to let them out when they bother him.





	What's Not to Love?

**Author's Note:**

> im sad so i comforted myself. we all need a doc in our lives sometimes

Charlie woke up a lot slower than he used to. He wasn’t jolted awake by his phone ringing or his friends banging on his door; he just woke up the way his body wanted to. There was warm, soft flannel under his cheek; there was sunlight warming his back. He blinked his eyes open when he was ready, mind awake enough to be bored of staring at blackness. 

He could see his dresser where it lived against the far wall, snuggled up to Doc’s vanity. He was squinting, trying to see if he could make out what things they’d left out on the polished surface, when a hand came up to play with his hair. 

“Good morning Charlie,” Doc whispered. 

“Morning Doc,” Charlie replied, just as quietly. They fell into a comfortable silence, as they did most mornings. Doc probably hadn’t been up long, and it took him awhile to really wake up. Charlie let his eyelids droop as he focused on the feeling of Doc’s hand gently carding through his messy hair.

“Doc?” he asked tentatively after a time. 

“Yes Charlie?” Doc replied easily. Charlie often asked him questions in the mornings, when his mind was waking up and he was thinking about anything and everything. Sometimes they were about science, or a movie or documentary they’d watched the night before; sometimes they were about Doc and his life before they’d met. Doc liked answering Charlie’s questions, even if he didn’t always have the answers. 

“Why do you love me?” Doc blinked. His hand in Charlie’s hair stilled.

“What?” he asked, disconcerted. 

“Why do you love me?” Charlie repeated. He had started tracing patterns into Doc’s side with one finger distractedly. “I’m not even like, a good boyfriend.” He said it so casually, like he genuinely believed it. Doc frowned. 

“That’s nonsense Charlie,” he said immediately. “You’re a wonderful partner.”

“Am I?” Charlie squinted up at him skeptically, searching Doc’s face. 

“You are,” Doc insisted. He brought his other hand up to rub Charlie’s back. “You’re very affectionate and considerate. You’re enthusiastic, and eager to learn, and you like to talk.” Charlie laughed. 

“Does that make me a good boyfriend?”

“It does to me,” Doc said seriously. “You very obviously care about me. I’ve never doubted that. And that is very important.” Charlie hummed. 

“I still don’t get it though.” Doc’s hands were a grounding weight on his body, holding him snugly to Doc’s chest. Charlie sighed. “I don’t listen. And I’m gross and I do weird stuff all the time.” 

“I’ve always considered you a very good listener, when it’s important,” Doc said. “Just the other day, when we were talking about plants and gardening, you wrote down all the things that I said from memory.” 

“Yeah…” Charlie said hesitantly.

“That means you were listening. And on my birthday, you got me so many thoughtful gifts based on things even I didn’t remember I’d mentioned. You always listen to me Charlie.”

“I try to,” Charlie murmured, his cheeks feeling hot. 

“And you know that ‘weird’ doesn’t equal ‘bad,’ don’t you Charlie?” Doc asked softly, tilting Charlie’s head up to look at him. “I like your eccentricities. Your thought processes and your creative projects and your Nightcrawlers.” Charlie bit his lower lip to keep it from wobbling. “You have brought so much light into my life darling.” Doc gently brushed some of Charlie’s hair off his forehead, then cupped his jaw. “I’d rather have you ‘weird’ than anything else.”

“I’m not a good person,” Charlie said quietly. “I’ve done horrible things.”

“I know you have,” Doc said simply, sadly. “But you aren’t a bad person because of that.” 

“Really?” Charlie asked incredulously, sitting up. He sat next to Doc on the bed, facing the window (facing away from Doc). “Cause I feel like I’m a bad person.” 

“Why do you feel that way Charlie?” Charlie huffed. 

“I don’t know. Or maybe I do know.” He huffed again, picking at his fingernails. “I’ve just done a bunch of bad stuff to a lot of people. Not like normal bad stuff, like being rude in traffic, but I’ve done that too. Just a lot of really, really bad stuff. And I believed a lot of bad stuff for a really long time.” 

“No one is ideologically pure Charlie. Everyone has at one time believed something they later find reprehensible. That is the nature of being.” Doc was using his Work Voice, and for some reason it put Charlie at ease. Maybe because The Scientist was smart, smarter than Charlie, unaffected and calm-he wasn’t the same as Doc in Charlie’s mind, because Doc loved Charlie and that wasn’t very smart. 

“But there’s so much,” Charlie insisted. “Every time I think maybe I’m catching up, I’m almost thinking like I’m supposed to, I find out there’s more dumb stuff I still think. And that’s not as bad as the stuff I’ve  _ done _ .” Charlie curled in on himself miserably. “I’ve probably ruined people’s lives. And I didn’t even think about it!” Charlie turned suddenly to look at Doc’s face, seeking comfort. “Doc I didn’t even think about it. There are probably even worse things I’ve done that I don’t even remember.” Doc sat up fully, pulling Charlie into his arms. Charlie went willingly, burying his face in Doc’s chest. Doc rocked them gently, because he knew the motion put Charlie at ease.

“Charlie,” he sighed softly. “My sweet boy, I need you to listen to me very carefully. Are you listening?” Charlie nodded reluctantly, fisting one hand in Doc’s shirt. He squeezed his eyes shut so he could focus on Doc’s heartbeat at his ear, Doc’s voice rumbling through his chest. “You may have done awful things in your past, but they do not define your future. I know you are not a bad person because you feel remorse for the bad things you’ve done, and you are trying very hard to not do bad things anymore. Do you understand?” Charlie said nothing, because he wasn’t sure he did understand. 

“Everyone does bad things Charlie. Perhaps your bad things are more severe than others’, but what is important is that you don’t continue to do them. I know that you have done all you can to make amends for your previous misdeeds. I was there, you remember?” Of course Charlie remembered. Doc was the only reason he hadn’t bolted when The Waitress opened her door; the only reason he hadn’t gotten in another fist-fight with The Lawyer; the only reason he’d finished his community service. Doc held his hand when he went to group therapy and found him a therapist he liked and taught him to read. 

“But-” 

“I’m not quite finished darling. No matter what you do, you cannot change what has already happened. You can only move forward and be better.” He lifted a hand to run through Charlie’s hair again. “You want to be better don’t you? You want to be a good person?”

“Yeah of course,” Charlie said, pressing his cheek to Doc’s chest. 

“I can see how hard you’re trying Charlie, and you’re doing so much. I love you because I can see who you are, and who you are is a good person.” Charlie whined, tugging at Doc’s shirt. 

“How do you know that? How can you be so sure Doc?” 

“You’ve proved it to me many times. I’ve seen you apologize, even when you didn’t understand why you needed to. I’ve seen you help someone, just because you wanted to and you could. I’ve watched you be kind and generous and loving, and I’ve seen that you have the capacity for so much good.” Charlie pressed his face into Doc’s neck, breathing deeply. Doc smelled like their dryer sheets and his weird flowery deodorant and it soothed him; helped him steady his breathing. 

“Of course I am not unbiased Charlie. Perhaps I love you just because I want to.” Charlie laughed a startled, watery laugh.

“Well I do always want you to have what you want,” he said, voice shaky. Doc chuckled with him, slowing his rocking to a stop. “Why did Ruby love me?” Charlie asked after a brief silence, his voice much steadier. It was something he’d been thinking about a lot, as he watched himself change. 

“Probably for the same reasons I do darling. You are worthy of love, and I am capable of giving it.” Doc kissed Charlie’s forehead, letting his lips linger. Charlie finally smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. 

“Sorry to be all crazy first thing in the morning,” he said quietly. 

“Don’t be silly Charlie.” Doc placed another quick kiss on his forehead. “I’m glad you brought this up. You shouldn’t struggle with these feelings alone, not when I’m right here and willing to talk with you.” 

“Communication is key,” Charlie mumbled, remembering his therapist saying exactly that when he’d voiced his worries about having a real long-term relationship for the first time.Doc smiled.

“Precisely.” Charlie chuckled, tucking his face into Doc’s neck and breathing away the last of his worry. He had it pretty good. He might even believe he was worthy of love, if Doc was the one giving it. 


End file.
